Robert Modzelewski

If you’re finding this out for the first time, I’m sorry that I’m the one that has to tell you this. Someone should really have told you sooner, but here goes: Rochester is located in the northern hemisphere, where it gets really cold in the winter. Plan on wearing a winter coat from at least November to April. My first year here, two years ago, it was sunny for about ten days during the entire academic year. There’s a reason for everyone to want to go outside as little as possible, so RIT addressed that need in the form of a series of underground tunnels that connect various parts of campus.

There are a few sets of tunnels on campus. There is one set on the dorm-side of campus and one on the academic side. There’s also one in the middle connecting the SAU, Eastman, and the Clark Gym. These sets are not connected to each other; to get across campus, you must go outside.

The dorm side tunnels are laid out in a V shape, with Building 28 (it doesn’t have a real name) on one end, Grace Watson Hall in the middle, and the Lyndon B. Johnson building (LBJ) on the other end. This leads us to our first Universal Tunnel Truth: The shortest distance between two points almost never involves the tunnels. For example, it would take two minutes to walk outside from Building 30 (which also has no real name) to the Commons to buy a delicious garbage plate. In the tunnels, it’s a good 20-minute hike.

That being said, they do serve a purpose. The tunnels are where the laundry rooms, the Corner Store, and Sol’s are located. Sol’s and the Corner Store (known colloquially as the ‘Co-Ho’) are convenience stores. The Corner Store stocks more food-related items, but Sol’s has a lot of semi-necessary things (like irons and birthday balloons) that aren’t particularly appetizing. Apart from that, please note Universal Tunnel Truth Two: Campus stores are overpriced, so unless you’ve got a meal plan, you’re better off getting things from Wegman’s.

Like I said, I don’t use the tunnels that much, so I needed to go exploring to get enough information so I could write about them. So I put on my fedora (like any good journalist or explorer does) and went spelunking.

The tunnels under Buildings 32 and 30, while lacking stalactites, have a lot of unmarked doors where special rooms are set aside for use by fraternities. Not being part of one, I don’t know what’s in there. But that’s not nearly as mysterious as the unmarked Finance and Administration office under Building 30… As much as I hate to spoil the surprise, it’s a server room. The tunnels on that side also contain Telefund, the second largest division of RIT in charge of calling parents and asking them for money (the largest being the students themselves).

These tunnels come up in Grace Watson Hall and pass through from there to Gleason and eventually through all the other dorms, and finally to LBJ. The tunnels in this area are lined with graffiti-covered pipes. Some of the pipes tell their function, such as CITY WATR, DUEL TEMP, or MARIO, but others are more eclectic. One pipe is written from the perspective of a pipe that hates his job, and encourages people to do the things that make them happy.

On another pipe, philosophy is debated. “You are free when you’ve lost everything,” says one graffitist. “No,” replies another, “because I’m not a penniless hippie.” You have to admit, they both make some good points. The pipes are also littered with internet memes and the like. It’s a veritable archeological record of terrible cyber fads.

For people with a more legitimate taste in art, the walls are also painted with murals in this area. A few new ones go up every year for various clubs, organizations, or just groups of people on campus. At any other college, there would be only one Star Trek mural. We have two, one signed with what I can only assume is an accurate stardate. The Electronic Gaming Society’s mural shows several video game characters, including Mario, who is depicted holding an Xbox controller. Cartoons also have a disproportional representation, including Buzz Lightyear, The Jetsons, and Spiderman vs. Doctor Octopus. This last one was painted in 1990, 14 years before the match-up happened on the big screen.

Ritchie’s is also located in the tunnels. They’ve got a big TV, a pool table, an air hockey table, and a foosball table. It’s free, if you’re into that kind of thing. A much larger and less crowded version is located at the RITz Sports Zone under the SAU. They charge, though.

My advice, tunnel-wise, is to just go above ground and save yourself some time. You’ll get fresh air and exercise. Also, Parking and Transportation is working on a plan to make travel on campus (including on foot) suck less. Hopefully, it calls for some combination of global warming and a monorail.