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RIT Rings

by Karl Voelker
  
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Sunday, 12:59 a.m.
Did you happen to find a dictionary lying outside in the parking lot anywhere? I’ve been looking for it.

Sunday, 3:42 a.m.
For all the people who call campus security every time they see someone drunk: stop being a [feline] hall monitor, and grow a [Cheney].

Sunday, 2:15 p.m.
Rings, I got super smashed last night and drunked out the wrong girlfriend. Now I have an extremely complicated matter on my hands and don’t know what to do.

Monday, 1:09 p.m.
Yo Rings, I just wanted to say that RIT is about 10,000 times better than Gallaudet. Gallaudet [is inferior]. It feels so good to be back in Tiger country. Go Tigers!

Wednesday, 1:13 a.m.
Hey, I don’t know who this [famous] Josh kid is, but he needs to get a [secular] life, because God doesn’t exist, the Bible is bull[poo], and all religion is an organized cult. So [peace be with] you, Josh.

Wednesday, 1:05 p.m.
Rings, what the [olfaction]? These trees on the Quarter Mile, they stink. I feel like I’m going to vomit on my way to class. Get rid of them, please, for the love of God.

Thursday, 11:45 a.m.
Would somebody please forcibly remove those stupid orientation kids who aren’t quite ready to cut the [horrible] umbilical cord? If somebody doesn’t do it, I will.

Thursday, 10:51 p.m.
We followed the Wiccan cult into the woods, and we don’t see anything, but if we don’t make it back, tell the world our story. And since I didn’t give you my name, make up a story.

Thursday, 10:54 p.m.
I just wanted to let you know that Blow Pops are amazing. Amazing!

Friday, 3:07 a.m.
Hi, Rings. Your swastika jokes are kinda not funny, especially considering that it’s Passover this week, and you have a full-page spread on [no surprise here] Josh. That’s really, really racist and really offensive, and I don’t find that funny at all. It’s actually really [unfortunate].

Friday, 10:33 a.m.
I don’t mind the open houses or the large crowds that come with the campus tours, but what really ticks me off is that Gracie’s can produce decent food for the tour kids but not for us. It’s trickery!

Friday, 3:10 a.m.
Yo Rings, this week, I saw all these kids wearing green shirts with today’s date on it. They’re going to try something bizarre and I’m not going to sleep tonight.

All calls subject to editing and truncation. Not all calls will be run. Reporter reserves the right to publish all calls in any format.

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In This Issue
News
Academic Senate Delays Athletes’ Early Registration
Institute Hosts Imagine RIT
CAST Announces Dean Finalists
Hillel Interfaith Shabbat Service
SG Weekly Update
RIT Forecast
Leisure
For Viewers Like You
Tora-Con 2008
Review: Russian Circles, Moby, M83
Review: Capsiderm
At Your Leisure
Features
Bird Banding at RIT
Features (Cont.)
Tech Commentary: The Elitist Social Network
That Girl: Alex Brauer
Sports
RIT’s Matt Smith and Simone Lambert Go Pro
George Breaks Three Records as Tigers Crush Keuka
Spring Season Re-Cap
Views
Don’t Worry, I Can Say That
RIT Rings
Editorial
Editor's Note: Innovation Festival
Letters to the Editor
Corrections

TOP ARTICLES

Bird Banding at RIT
Ornithological research gets hands-on.
RIT’s Matt Smith and Simone Lambert Go Pro
Both sign with East Coast Hockey League teams.
Tech Commentary: The Elitist Social Network
 
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